Monday, May 11, 2009

The Second Forty

Today, my second born, my daughter Dee, turns forty. She doesn't look it. She's beautiful and smart. She's talented and manages to accomplish much through what often seems like chaos to me. She's a loving mother who does her level best to make sure her girls have all the opportunities that other children have and that they get to experience the things they want to try in life.

Forty years ago today was a Sunday, in fact it was Mother's Day 1969. It snowed a bit that year on that day in east central Indiana... slushy wet flakes that didn't stick, couldn't stick to ground already warmed by spring sunshine. Dee's entrance into our world was marked with hesitation, as if she were unsure if she was ready to join us on the outside. We made three trips to the hospital before we stuck around and finally greeted our baby girl.

She's determined, sometimes stubborn and often makes things harder on herself than they have to be but then, she comes by that honestly. Most of the time, it is because she is trying to do more than is humanly possible. Most of the time, it is because she sets goals and has aspirations far beyond what the rest of the world tries to accomplish. Most of the time it is because she is trying to be everything to everybody else. The amazing part to me, is how often she is able to do exactly what she sets out to do.

I recently read an excerpt from Maya Angelou's Letter To My Daughter (dedicated to the daughter she never had) that touched me.
I am convinced that most people do not grow up. We find parking spaces and honor our credit cards. We marry and dare to have children and call that growing up. I think what we do is mostly grow old. We carry accumulation of years in our bodies and on our faces, but generally our real selves, the children inside, are still innocent and shy as magnolias.

We may act sophisticated and worldly but I believe we feel safest when we go inside ourselves and find home, a place where we belong and maybe the only place we really do.
If this is so, I hope that the home that was built for you is a safe place to come to and that when you go inside yourself to find that home that you know you were loved and cared for and prayed for and wished for. I have no doubt that you are building that haven for your own three girls to go to when their adult days may overwhelm them and they simply want to go home.

I've searched my hard drive in vain to find pictures that I might want to use with this post. I never found the particular one I was looking for or that I haven't already used on previous posts. I know the girls are taking you to Macaroni Grill tonight for dinner so I am hoping that a good picture will come from that event and that one of them will forward it to me to tack onto this post later today. Until then, here's one that I like that.



All that remains to say is that I love you Dee.

Happy Birthday!

Labels: , , ,

posted by Marsha at 1 Comments

Monday, January 26, 2009

My Ugly Mug

Flash back to Mother's Day 1979. Earlier that year, my husband and I had separated and I found out the day before Mother's Day, that he had not taken them anywhere to get me a card or gift. The girls asked if I would take them shopping so they could buy me a present. I loaded them up, along with their brother and headed into town. John and I wandered around while they were looking, waiting for them to make a loving and thoughtful decision about what to purchase with their limited funds.

When they came out of the last store with package in hand, they were giggly and seemed pleased with themselves. I was touched by their thoughtfulness and knew, that no matter how small their gift might be, that it was symbolic of their love for me. I just knew... I just needed to believe... that while my marriage was falling apart, my relationship with my children would always sustain me and lift me up, even as my self-confidence waned. I couldn't wait to open my present that year!

This is what they gave me on Mother's Day!




The truth is, I was so surprised by this gift that I'm sure I didn't react as well as a mother should when her children give her a present that is, let's say less than desirable. I was overly sensitive at that point in my life and suppose I was afraid that my children thought of me as an Aggie joke! How silly my reaction seems to me today.

This mug has been a source of jokes in our family for the past thirty years and when I told the girls I was going to submit it for a contest, they couldn't believe that I still had it. In all honesty, this mug has kept me humble over the years and I wouldn't part with it for anything.

I talked to each of my girls today and asked them what they were thinking back then. I loved their comments.

Jamie:

"I was just a kid and I thought it was funny."
"Besides that, it was cheap."
"It was Dee's idea!"
"I always wondered why the clerk kept asking if that was what we really wanted to give you."


Dee:

"Mom, I was only nine or ten."
"I was a follower back then, it was Jamie's idea."
"I didn't even know what an Aggie was."
"We really tried mom, honest!"


While I was talking to Jamie, she had to do something and gave the phone to Kayla, my youngest granddaughter who had just turned seven a few weeks before. I asked her what she thought about her mommy and aunt Dee buying me a really silly present when they were little girls and what she thought I should do to them for being so silly. She didn't hesitate. She simply told me that I should say thank you because her mommy told her to always say thank you when people give her gifts, even if the gift isn't exactly what she wanted. See what I mean about this mug. Even when viewed through the eyes of a seven year old, I am humbled by it and reminded that I am a very fortunate woman.



So thank you girls, thank you for the mug and for years of love and caring and joy. I'm only sorry that it took thirty years to find a purpose for it. Please know that I love my ugly Aggie Mug. Someday, I hope to find two more just like it!

John, just be glad you were only four or I might be looking for three of them!

********************** PLEASE GO VOTE **********************

Go to 2nd Cup Of Coffee and follow Linda's instructions on how to vote! Please, vote for me, as it will go a long way toward improving my scarred relationship with my children and how people of the world view Aggies in general. Perhaps I could get a new mug with the Starbucks gift certificate that the winner will receive... I mean really, have you ever tried drinking from an Aggie mug?

Labels: , , , , , , ,

posted by Marsha at 19 Comments

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Jacob's Stocking

If you're looking for a good cause to help out with this season, please check out Jacob's Stocking. You will be gifted yourself by visiting this site.

This sticky post will stay on top until Christmas Eve.

Labels: , ,

posted by Marsha at 0 Comments

Saturday, September 13, 2008

National Childhood Cancer Awareness Day

On May 13th of this year, U.S. Senator Wayne Allard (R-CO) and U.S. Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY) introduced a National Childhood Cancer Awareness Day resolution in the U.S. Senate. The resolution designates September 13, 2008, as “National Childhood Cancer Awareness Day.” The bill was later passed.

"Never before in history has the dream of eliminating childhood cancer been so attainable, yet seemed so elusive. We live in a nation where the effectiveness of treatments and technology offer hope to children who dream of a bright future. Each case of childhood cancer is a very personal tragedy that can strike any family with children, at anytime, anywhere. In setting aside September 13th to recognize this battle on cancer, we continue of our efforts to draw attention to the victims of childhood cancer and the great work of the families and organizations who continue the fight.” Senator Allard from Colorado

"We have made tremendous strides in the fight against childhood cancer, but far too many children still suffer and lose their lives to this illness. The more we know as a nation the better able we will be to prevent and treat the disease and help those who are battling and surviving pediatric cancers. National Childhood Cancer Awareness Day is an opportunity to reach out to all Americans with the facts about childhood cancer, and this day will be an important symbol of our commitment on all days to find a cure." Senator Clinton from New York


Childhood cancer is the number one disease killer and the second overall leading cause of death of children in the United States. More than 10,000 children under the age of 15 in the United States are diagnosed with cancer annually.

Childhood Cancer Facts
    Each school day, 46 children are diagnosed with cancer.

    One in 330 children will develop cancer by age 20.

    Although the 5 year survival rate is steadily increasing, one quarter of children will die 5 years from the time of diagnosis.

    Cancer remains the number one disease killer of America's children - more than Cystic Fibrosis, Muscular Dystrophy, Asthma and AIDS combined.
Please pray for all children who are fighting this monster disease. Pray for a cure and for strength and healing and for peace, not only for the those who suffer with childhood cancer, but for their families and friends as well.

Labels: ,

posted by Marsha at 0 Comments

Friday, June 01, 2007

Happy Birthday Jamie

Jamie,

As hard as it is for you to say, “I’m 40!”, it is even more difficult to say that about your child. To know that forty years have passed since the day I gave birth to you and found a whole new reason for being astonishes me. How did we get here so quickly?

Forty years ago tonight, your dad drove me to Ball Memorial Hospital in Muncie, Indiana and to this day I remember everything about that trip. I remember distinctly screaming at him, telling him, “Stop!” and like an idiot the loving husband he was, he was actually going to stop the car! “No, don’t stop the car. Stop this from happening! Stop the pain!” He could do neither. We had set the course in motion months before and it wasn’t going to change now. That night I became a mother.

You were 3 pounds and 12 ½ ounces of pure beauty. You were so tiny, yet still perfect in every way. You had all ten toes and ten little fingers and the gorgeous eyes were there from the beginning. Why you were so small I will never know for sure. You were full term and perfectly formed - just small. There were no ultrasounds then, only external measurements which gave us no pause for concern. Your heartbeat was strong throughout the pregnancy and again, nothing in your development gave us an indication that you would not leave the hospital with me the day I went home. My heart broke the day I had to walk away from you and leave you in that place in the care of strangers. I left believing it would be at least a month or two before I would get to hold you in my arms. It took little more than two weeks for you to make the five pound mark required before your dad and I could bring you home.

Watching you grow was one of the greatest delights of my life. Your first tooth, your first steps, your first day of school are etched in my memory forever. Even as a child you had an amazing ability to get along with people. I admired that quality in you even then. You had such a close and loving relationship with Granny, that for the first time in my life, I truly missed not having grandparents that I could be close to. You were so close to Dee and John, even when you were all just being kids and arguing or whatever, you were obviously a big sister that they could depend on and look up to. You were a peacemaker as a child and still carry that trait in you today.

Seeing you as a woman, watching you handle some of the most difficult and heartbreaking circumstances a woman can face, makes me so proud of who you grew up to be. It’s not just the obvious challenges that you’ve faced that make me admire you. It is how you’ve adapted to every change in your life... always with grace, always with humor and with an acceptance of life as it comes. I am so proud of the person you are and I wouldn’t give up the forty years I’ve had as your mother for anything. I wish for you to enjoy every single moment of the rest of your life and to know how much I love you and respect you. I am thankful that Anna and Kayla have such a wonderful model in their lives.

I wish I could be physically present with you tonight but once again I have to be content with leaving you in the care of others. You will always be my baby Jamie.

I love you!

Mom
(now playing: In My Daughter's Eyes by Martina McBride)

through the years

there are so many more pictures I could put on here that would define the past 40 years much more completely; pictures from your younger years that remain in the drawer unscanned; pictures in your dance costumes and cheerleader's outfit; pictures with your friends and with your dad; your college graduation pictures; your wedding picture, which I painstakingly scanned in sections and put together and resized and it would just not post for some unknown reason (not to mention that I wasn't sure how you would feel about it being up here under the circumstances, but you were such a beautiful bride I was going to show off the portrait anyway); there are so many more of you and your girls, pictures with your nieces and some with granny and paps (but again, blogger is just being a real pain about the loading pictures today for some reason); anyway, here are a few that will show the world where you started (almost) and where you are today (almost).

Jamie - 3 months
Jamie - 18 months
Jamie - high school senior

Jamie - with Anna a week after her hip surgery

Jamie - with sister Dee at Christmas 2001
Dee made the dress for Kayla

Jamie - with Anna and Kayla
this was taken the day after Kayla's birth

Jamie - with brother John
summer 2006

Jamie - with Dee and Mom (me)
summer 2006

Labels: , , , ,

posted by Marsha at 3 Comments