Time Marches On

This has been a difficult week for me. It started with my coming down with either a cold or possibly the flu. I had the typical head congestion, scratchy sore throat, ears itching, hacking cough, lots of yucky drainage, headache, achy body and slight fever off and on. It goes without saying that this is the worse possible time to get sick as you can imagine.

One thing that I did get to do was to spend time to really look over and read the Christmas cards I had received and continue to bring in daily. Some contained pictures, some had notes and all contained warm wishes for the Christmas season and for the coming year. Three of them were particularly touching in some way.

One of those three was from my oldest daughter, who recently remarried. The card was made from a photograph taken by a friend right after the ceremony. The picture is not all that great but greatly appreciated since I was not there for the wedding. After I scanned the photo portion of the card, I did my best to enhance it as much as possible.

Shawn and Jamie with Anna and Kayla

click to enlarge
I have met Shawn and will see him, Jamie and the girls in a few days. I'm headed down after Christmas for a couple of weeks. Shawn will get his fill of his new mother-in-law. Kayla, I get to celebrate your birthday with you again!

The other two cards that affected me came from family members of my friend Margaret, who passed away in June 2007. Margaret's husband remarried several months ago to a woman from the Philippines. He is currently there with her but they plan to come back to the states in a few months. According to the letter he enclosed with the card, their plan is to return here, sell the house he and Margaret lived in and move to the Dallas area where both of his children are currently living. He and his new wife Eloisa will also return to the Philippines from time to time where her family remains. She appears to be a lovely lady and I will most likely meet her in April next year when they get back.

I also got a card from Margaret's daughter Tracy that included a picture of her three year old son. Gage was Margaret's pride and joy. She had about a year with him before her health began to fail and the results of cancer, if not cancer itself, ravaged her body for months before giving out completely. It meant a lot to me to receive that picture along with the card.

I still miss Margaret tremendously. You don't lose your best friend, your touchstone and not feel it on some level the rest of your life. It is also good to be reminded that life goes on and that is the way it is supposed to be.

I am happy for my daughter and her new husband. I am also happy for Glynn and Eloisa. I wish both couples all the happiness in the world. As for Gage, I hope to get pictures of him for many years to come. It does me good to see that crooked little smile. I know exactly where it came from.

The Only Constant In Life Is Change

Life changed while I was away. It always does.

I knew coming home would be difficult. I haven't returned home in the last 26 years without eventually talking to Margaret about whatever happened on my trip or listened as she would tell me what happened here while I was gone. When we were still working, we would generally talk at the office, unless one of us experienced something so earth shattering that it wouldn't keep and one of us would pick up the phone to call the other. She and I were not really phone friends, although when we did call one another, the call would generally last a while.

Several times during the long thirteen hour journey from Muncie, Indiana to Monroe, Louisiana, it occurred to me that Margaret would not be there to discuss my trip with me. Indeed, the past few months, while she was so ill, we had talked very little as she was so weak and was unable to sustain a conversation of any duration. At least there had been some measure of hope that we would talk again someday. Now I must talk to her and listen for her response in a different way.

There were two packages waiting for me when I got home from Margaret's family. One contained a DVD of the slide show that played during the visitation and service and a tape of the actual service itself. Another contained a laminated copy of her obituary. I watched, listened and read without tears. Those were shed quietly while Betty prayed with me at the alter on Sunday morning and in the pew sitting next to Margaret's mother during our contemporary service.

I felt off kilter at church and in my Sunday School class on Sunday morning... that little out of place feeling that comes sometimes when you've missed several weeks in a row and you're out of synch with what's going on. I know she was feeling a deep sense of loss and out of place as she usually attends the earlier traditional service and up until Margaret's illness prevented it, she sat with her daughter during Sunday morning services. No doubt, Providence placed us together. Our shared presence in that pew seemed to provide us both with a sense of peace and belonging.

While driving home from church, I realized that I had sensed a piece of my touchstone through sitting with her mother. It was familiar, but different... a new and different way of communicating with my friend.

Life changed while I was away. It always does.

Margaret Ann Francis
June 9, 1948 ~ June 14, 2007

(5:00 pm -- I've just added the song This Train Is Bound For Glory as it was one of Margaret's favorite songs. I'm certain she reached her destination.)

The Struggle Is Over

Earlier this evening, my friend and touchstone, Margaret, passed away. I am thankful that her earthly struggles are over and that she is at peace. I pray mightily for her family, that they may have peace and comfort over these next difficult days and strength to endure the rest of their lives without her presence.

I ask God for peace and strength for me as the pain of losing my friend is just finding a starting place.

I am heartbroken.

You will find all of my posts about Margaret here: Margaret

An Update and Plans for Blog Posts

I thought I would give a brief update on Margaret's condition, which has improved since last Saturday's very difficult post. She is a long way from being out of the woods and I would say that her condition remains volatile. Her family is finding hope again and is once more talking cautiously about the possibility of getting her to Baylor. I keep their hopes and mine at the forefront of my prayers as always and ask that you do the same for my friend.

I realized that I have done very little posting of the work I have done in Paint Shop Pro (PSP) and I would like to start a series of posts that feature some of my graphics. It is an outlet for me, another form of expression that unfortunately, I am not always good at following through with. I have been in a bit of a creative slump recently, probably in part due to the emotional upheavals and travel in my life the past year or so but I do have many things I would like to share here.

So I'm off for now to look through my collection to see what I can put out here for viewing.

Later!

Friendship and A Change of Plans

Saturday morning update -- Things have taken a bad turn for the worse with my friend Margaret's condition as she has started bleeding into her lungs. The decision has been made to leave everything in God's hands and to pray for peace and comfort for Margaret. She has fought the most difficult battle with horrendous infection for the past three months trying to get to Baylor Medical Center in Dallas for a second bone marrow transplant. The first transplant was successful, giving her 5 strong years, cancer free before her bone marrow gave out late last fall.

While cancer has not lived in her body for over five years, I will always know that it is the cancer that is responsible for her condition. How I hate that disease.

Please pray for her comfort and for peace for all those who love and care about her.

Thursday afternoon update -- Margaret was weaned off of the ventilator today. As I understand it, they are confident that this relapse was due to changes in medication that affected her heartbeat as well as allowing the infection to re-establish itself. They were able to start her back on the protocol she was on before the relapse and she is responding well at this early stage. As tenacious as this infection seems to be, apparently it is not as strong-willed as Margaret is. They will work to get her out of the CV-ICU and into a regular room before trying to transport her to Baylor by air ambulance, possibly by the middle of next week. Once she is safely at Baylor, I will feel comfortable about proceeding with my own plans. I am very appreciative of the prayers spoken for my friend and grateful to the gracious God that hears us all.

As quickly as the good news came the other day about Margaret, the bad news came just as quickly early yesterday morning that she had relapsed and was back in the CV-ICU of the local hospital where she has been off and on for the past three months. Before they were able to release her Monday for the trip to Baylor Medical in Dallas, her infection returned with a vengeance, attacking her so severely this time that she was placed on a ventilator during the early hours of Tuesday morning. At that time, they were also discussing the possibility of getting her to the Baylor facility by air ambulance but they later decided that was not a viable choice at this time.

When I got the call, I was preparing my list of the things I needed to do before leaving for Indiana and my annual trip with Mom to Tennessee for the Memorial Day weekend. As I got more information about Margaret, it made me re-think my plans.

While I didn't want to miss the trip with mom, as I believe this is likely our last time to make the trek together, neither did I want to leave with things up in the air about Margaret. I considered some alternatives. One being that my sister might want to do this trip with mom, as we had discussed the possibility of her coming to meet us anyway. The other option would be to cancel the plans for the holiday weekend and make the trip later. After discussing the situation with them, we chose the second option, since time was short for my sister to get arrangements made to get up to mom's and then on to Tennessee. I will go up to mom's as soon as I know Margaret is stabilized and we will simply make the trip at a different time. My sister can still come to meet us if she wants to. Sometimes things just work out for the best.

As for Margaret, well today things sound a little better. They're talking about the possibility of weaning her off of the ventilator starting tomorrow. Even after she gets off the ventilator, she will be back where she was at a month ago, so this is a real set back for her. The situation is serious but we have to believe that she can still get to Baylor and have a successful transplant.

Thanks to all who may choose to utter a prayer on Margaret's behalf or have done so from one my previous requests here or here.

(Now playing: I'm A Survivor by Reba McEntire in honor of my friend Margaret who is and will continue to be a survivor.)

The Face Of Friendship

Late yesterday evening, I got good news about my friend Margaret. Her husband left a message on my answering machine telling me that she would be released this coming Monday morning from the local hospital where she has been almost continuously over the past three months battling a serious lung infection / pneumonia. They will leave that afternoon for Dallas to admit her to the Baylor Medical facility where she will complete her rehabilitation and start the preliminary testing towards the Bone Marrow Transplant she desperately needs. This will be her second BMT.

I won't go into all the details here as I have already posted them in an earlier entry. Read that entry here if you have the chance. I warn you that it is lengthy, but gives much of the background on our friendship and her need for a second miracle in her life.

This picture, which admittedly is not one of our best, shows us at a time when we were both struggling with injury (me) or disease (Margaret). I had been in a serious car wreck with three of my granddaughters and Margaret was still undergoing treatment for cancer that led to her first BMT just a few months after this photo was taken.

Please keep Margaret in your prayers for the continued rehabilitation of her lungs and to regain her strength so that she may have her second transplant and that the transplant will be successful. Please be sure to mention her family and the donor as well. To any or all who have given this precious gift of life to someone in the past or may be on a list to do so in the future, know that you are a miracle, not only to the person you are donating to, but to all who love and care about them.

Margaret, Dave and I are packing our bags and waiting only for you to recover so that we can make that trip to Chicago to see Oprah!

(leaving the song Miss You as I am indeed missing my friend and will until she recovers fully)

Touchstone

touch·stone /ˈtn/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation [tŭch'stōn']

–noun

1. a test or criterion for the qualities of a thing.
2. An excellent quality or example that is used to test the excellence or genuineness of others: "the qualities of courage and vision that are the touchstones of leadership" (Henry A. Kissinger).

[Origin: 1475–85; touch + stone]

—Synonyms 1. standard, measure, model, pattern.

My friend Margaret has been my touchstone for years. I was delighted when I looked up the meaning of touchstone and found that it perfectly describes how I feel about her... she IS my measure for quality... she IS the standard I use for genuineness.

Margaret and I became friends slowly, gradually, over time and in spite of, or perhaps because of, the differences between us. Not only are we different in our physical appearance but in personality and expression as well. It seems what we have in common is our value system. We are both idealists, perfectionists, holding out for something better from life not only for ourselves, but for all those we love and care about. It isn’t money or possessions that either of us desire, but a moral quality of life; a rightness; a desire to be good and to do good.

We came to know each other through work. We both started work at the newly created corporate engineering office at CenturyTel on 7^th Street in Monroe, Louisiana on January 26, 1981. We left the company’s new headquarters together almost 23 years later taking early retirement at the behest of our company. We walked in individually, separately as strangers; we walked out as sisters, if not by blood, then in our hearts.

Margaret saw me through many personal struggles as a single mom, raising 3 children on my own and supported me valiantly over the years. I was there when her son was hurt, suffering an eye injury that was devastating to her at the time and through other struggles in her life. We had what we affectionately termed ‘adventures’ together, although I don’t think we quite qualify as Thelma and Louise. Along with our friend David, we went on several weekend trips. We saw Tina Turner twice, the Eagles once and we all went to New York City together in 2002. Just going to lunch could be an adventure for us or a time of peace and solace when we would simply choose to take a sack lunch to our retreat at Black Bayou. As with most friendships, there were times when we would seem to drift apart but we always seemed to find each other when our needs were most urgent. I know today that it was God's hand involved in our lives, directing us, keeping us close.

When we first became friends, I don’t believe Margaret had a religious affiliation. I had turned my life over at the age of 12 in the Methodist church in the small town where I went to school but I was not active in the church on a regular basis and had not been in some time. When Margaret joined the Methodist church after her son’s injury, I was happy for her but still felt no real pull to return; perhaps guilt sometimes for not going and for not getting my children involved, but not enough to spur me back into living a fully committed Christian life. At her urging during one of my struggles, I started attending services at her church and got involved in church activities once again in my life. When the minister we both loved left our small congregation, Margaret eventually moved her membership to a different church and I dropped back out. Once again, although our personal paths seemed to diverge, God continued to keep us available to each other as we were both about to face some of the biggest struggles of our lives.

She was the one I called into my office at work when I got the devastating news about Anna, my granddaughter. She held me, she listened to me; she cried with me; she made arrangements for me to leave the next day to be with my daughter and her family. She offered money; she offered her shoulder; she prayed for me and my family; she gave me her heart.

When Margaret was diagnosed with cancer, it rocked my world. I wanted to do all I could for her. I prayed for her and I requested others to pray. I gave my heart to her and found it easy to take on a role of servant, doing little things at the office to clear away any concerns she might have there and being a link to others who cared about her. It was easy to do, I just followed her lead. I would say this is the point at which I was most impressed with Margaret’s Christian beliefs. I knew she had grown tremendously in her faith but I found a true understanding of how strong it was during this time. I heard her speak of it often over the years but I was watching now as she was living her belief every minute of every day.

It was through observing how she handled the cancer, the treatments, the fears and concerns for her family as well as for herself and seeing her remarkable strength that I recognized how much my friend had grown. By comparison, I realized that my own belief had withered, was producing nothing and that I was in serious need. A serious car wreck, involving myself and three of my precious granddaughters that we all walked away from convinced me of that even further. Again, Margaret had just the thing for me. She got me involved in Disciple classes at Lea Joyner Memorial UMC, took me to Women of Faith conferences and I found my faith rekindled one more time. In the midst of all she was going through, she was ministering to me.

The point came in Margaret’s treatment that a decision had to be made. A bone marrow transplant was needed and it was the only real hope of stopping the cancer from coming back again and again. I watched one more time as she, with grace and dignity, handled this difficult treatment on top of all of her other obligations in life. This time, I knew exactly where her strength was coming from and isn't God good! She came through the transplant and was cancer free!

Later, when our company came to all of the longer term employees and presented us with a difficult early retirement option (much earlier than I had planned), I found myself on my knees, asking what to do. I felt like God was leading me to retire and that I was being given the opportunity to walk out the door with Margaret and so I did. Since then we have experienced many more adventures including a trip to Israel together with other members of OUR church (yes, I moved my membership—finally), we still occasionally do lunch, we attend classes together and sometimes we just talk about our lives. During this time she also became a grandmother, we both deal with the issues of aging parents. She was one of the first people I talked to after my dad passed away last year and our lives continue to wrap around each others today... and today, one of us is in need again.

Late last year, Margaret got the news that although her cancer had not returned, her bone marrow was failing. It is treatable but not curable without another transplant. Even with treatment, she is in a weakened state, receiving transfusions regularly and taking serious medication, some of it still in clinical trial. She is currently recovering from bacterial pneumonia and accumulated fluid in her chest cavity and breathing problems associated with that. And that is where we are today. My friend, my touchstone, my measure of quality in all things good is in need again. And again, my world is rocked. But here I am, on my knees praying for Margaret each and every day.

I bring you the story of my touchstone so that you might pray for her as well. I believe there is power in prayer and that in this instance, more is better. Her husband Glynn, and their children, Chris and Traci and their families, Margaret’s mother and her siblings all need your prayers as well. I pray that they all be given strength and peace and comfort to endure and to trust in God. I pray that the donor be blessed with God’s grace and mercy. Mostly I pray that Margaret's condition will improve soon and that she will be prepared for the life giving transplant waiting for her down the road. She must be healthy to undergo the procedure and recover from it. She has much more to do in this life; she has a husband and children to enjoy; she has a grandson to love and hug and to watch grow; her mother and siblings need her; she has many friends that adore her; and she and I... well we have adventures to plan and experience.

Please, in whatever way you are comfortable, using whatever words you choose, I simply ask that you pray for Margaret today.

I apologize for the length of this entry, but it is hard to sum up 26 years of friendship in a few paragraphs. If you’ve read this far, all I can say is thank you! Thank you for reading to this point, thank you for praying for Margaret and if you have done either of those, thank you for measuring up to my touchstone.