What Do You See?

There's a lot going on in my life right now. I'm in Indiana again, visiting the home where I grew up, wanting to be here in October one more time while the colors are so flashy and the air cool and crisp. Sweater weather!

Of course things never go the way we plan. The colors really haven't started changing yet, at least not to the extent that I wanted to see and experience. When I got here, the yards were still green and people still mowing in late October. Maybe it's global warming slowing down the seasons, delaying the inevitable cold which finally came the other morning along with a nice snowfall... an inch of the pure white stuff but it didn't last long and was gone by mid-day.

Then Mom had a spell with her heart later the same day. We ended up calling an ambulance to take her to the hospital where she spent the night and most of the next day making sure she wasn't having a heart attack or anything severe. Her blood work and EKGs were normal throughout her stay, indicating she was just suffering from angina, probably caused from stress or trying to do too much. Heart pain!

I think most of us know heart pain, I know I do, but not the physical kind Granny was having that day. My heart has hurt for emotional reasons, like missing my granddaughter Anna and others I've loved who have passed away or are gone from my life for different reasons. Most people suffer that kind of heart pain in their lives and I'm sure Granny has too. I know she has. I saw it etched on her face as she lay in the hospital bed, sleeping.

As I looked at those lines on her face, I knew that some might say she's just old and wrinkled, but that's not what I saw. I saw lines that told me how much she suffered when she lost her mother as a little girl, then her father just a year after that. I saw lines that show the worry and care she must have felt as she carried her own children and gave birth, praying she would be there to raise them and see them into adulthood, unlike her parents. I saw lines from the deep pain and grief she had to feel as she watched her young husband, the father of her first three small children as he slowly died of cancer, fearing that they were nearing her fate of being orphaned at an early age. There were more lines from the hurt and worry she felt as she watched her fourth child, her second daughter go through the agony of losing her first two children, twin daughters as a result of a complicated pregnancy and premature birth. Some of those lines came from concern and worry and grief over Anna and the hurt she felt for Anna's mother Jamie, my daughter and her granddaughter as she said a final goodbye to that sweet and irreplaceable 16 year old child. Certainly some of those lines came from caring for her second husband, who depended on her later in life as he dealt with Alzheimer's and other health issues. There are lines that surely came from the pain of losing each of her siblings that grew to adulthood with her, as they passed away one by one until she was left alone, the last remaining member of her generation. There are lines for each of her friends that she's lost along the way, either to death or distance caused by old age. There are lines that must come from pain that neither I, nor others know anything about, pain she's kept to herself, hurts and difficulties in her life known only to her. Some of those lines come from being strong through difficult times and being strong for others... doing the best she could, always working hard, always providing, always too proud to ask for help or assistance.

No, I didn't see old age or just wrinkles when I looked at her face that day in the hospital. I saw love, I saw experience, I saw the woman who shaped my life. I only wish everyone could see what I saw.

Soon to be 90 - Aged To Perfection

 My family held a birthday party for my mother last weekend to celebrate her upcoming 90th birthday. We came from near and far, mostly far as only Mom and one of my brothers, his wife and son still live in the area where we grew up. There are still cousins there but the majority of mom's direct descendants came from Florida, Louisiana, Texas, the Carolinas and Missouri to honor her on this special occasion.

We held the party at my brothers home and had over 100 people join us for hamburgers, hot dogs, just plain fun as the kids climbed trees, rock piles, took pictures, hiked around the farm and pond area and even the adults enjoyed the games that were set up. We took many pictures, including shots of each of the four descending family lines. We had all four of her children, all but one grandchild, all but four great grandchildren and all of her great-greats were there.

Here's mom looking out at us lined up along the lane to my brother's house, singing happy birthday to her as my younger sister drove her in.

 Many of the grandkids greeted her, some in tears, some in humor as she and granddaughter Missi, show their kindred spirit in the photo above! This photo was a favorite on Facebook!

This is a picture of the photo quilt my sister made for mom for this occasion. It is massive and full of memories in the form of pictures from family and friends over the years.

 This is a picture of Mom with each of her four children. From left to right as you look at the photo are my sister Robin, mom seated, me on her left. Brothers Jim and Alan are in the back.

This is a picture of her entire line of descendants, in-laws and a couple of future family members as two of her great-granddaughters are engaged to be married. I'm sorry we couldn't all be there but we were close, closer than I thought we would be in the beginning of the planning process. There are so many more pictures that I could post here, but these will do for now. 

So happy 90th Mom. Your family loves you!

Mother's Day 2009

This graphic is not made from the best picture of mom, but one I like as she was reading to me from the paper when I took this photo. It reminds me of the times when I was young that mom would read to me from the same books, over and over.

Between her and my great-aunt Zonie, I learned to read well before I started school.

I love you mom!

Happy Birthday!

To my mother, who is 85 years young today and to my granddaughter, Sarah Grace who turns 12 today, I wish you both the most wonderful day.

I had hoped to find a photo of the two of them together on Sarah's first birthday that I dearly love somewhere in my collection of photographs, whether a print copy or a digital copy but alas, it has proven to be illusive.

I know I have it somewhere but it wasn't with the other photos from their joint birthday celebration here at my house from 11 years ago. I'm sure I did something with it or intended to do something with it and it's in the nether world of all those things in this house that I have had great plans for. :::sigh:::

I'm hoping to leave for mom's on Sunday and I know she has a copy there that I can scan. I will have to wait until I can get that done to post the picture.

I love you both and wish only the best for you today and always!

Happy Birthday mom and Sarah!

August

"August rushes by like desert rainfall,
A flood of frenzied upheaval,
Expected,
But still catching me unprepared.
Like a matchflame
Bursting on the scene,
Heat and haze of crimson sunsets.
Like a dream
Of moon and dark barely recalled,
A moment,
Shadows caught in a blink.
Like a quick kiss;
One wishes for more
But it suddenly turns to leave,
Dragging summer away."
- Elizabeth Maua Taylor

"Let me enjoy
this late-summer day of my heart
while the leaves are still green
and I won't look so close
as to see that first tint
of pale yellow slowly creep in.
I will cease endless running
and then look to the sky
ask the sun to embrace me
and then hope she won't tell
of tomorrows less long than today.
Let me spend just this time
in the slow-cooling glow
of warm afternoon light
and I'd think
I will still have the strength
for just one more
last fling of my heart."
- John Bohrn, Late August

August is a special month to me. My mother was born in August. The year she turned 73, that would be 1996, my fourth granddaughter was born on the very same date. When August 22nd comes in just a few short weeks, mom will be 85 and Sarah Grace, twelve. I have the most marvelous picture of the two of them together from Sarah's first birthday party here at my house. I love that photo. A copy of it sits in a frame at mom's house and has for all these years.

I'll see if I still have a copy on my old computer... why haven't I ever got all those pictures transferred like I planned on when I got the new one years ago ... or if I have a printed copy stored with the other photos in one of the spare bedrooms. I will for sure find a copy in time to put it up for their shared day of celebration.

Change Of Plans

We've had a slight change in plans here as far as the annual trip I make to Indiana and then on to Tennessee for Memorial Day. My mother went to the emergency room over the weekend to check out some numbness she was experiencing in the left side of her face. She had a similar experience with this numbness a couple of weeks ago so it would seem that something is going on.

It's possible that she has had a TIA (a light or warning stroke that leaves no permanent brain damage). She was sent home but will have some additional scans and tests run this week and likely an MRI as well. I decided to hold off on driving up to Indiana until the end of the week since we will not be heading to Tennessee as originally planned.

In the meantime, late yesterday evening, I was watching DWTS that I had recorded on the DVR when someone started laying on my doorbell and banging on the front door. I first thought it might be my son but that didn't make sense. There's no reason for him to do all that ringing and banging because he has keys and my extra garage door remote so he could access the house without my assistance. It turned out to be a young woman I know from church who is dog sitting next door and she needed help getting Laddie into her car. She said he was having a seizure or some type of problem and she couldn't manage him. I went over to help and finally got him corralled and near the back door of her car. He refused to get in, wouldn't budge at all so I bent over to lift him into the back seat. I got him about half way in then reached a little lower to get his back half into the car when something gave in my back.

In an instant, I was in agonizing pain. I couldn't do anything else with the dog and for that matter I could barely move at all at that point. Tiffany is a very slight built person and just doesn't have the strength to get a reluctant border collie into the vehicle by herself. None of the other neighbors seemed to be available so I called my son who came over to help. He not only got Laddie into the car but also rode with Tiffany to the emergency clinic to get Laddie checked out. As it turns out, Laddie is suffering from an inner ear nerve problem that is affecting his gait. He walks in circles with his head tilted off to the side. They gave him steroids and sent him home. When my son came over after they returned, I was on the sofa with the heating pad still in agony and very glad I wasn't going to be driving a 12-13 hour trip the next morning (today).

I am simply taking Alleve right now and seem to be okay other than when I sit up straight (so I've really avoided being on the computer most of the day). I can lay down or walk around with very little pain but sitting upright is a real problem. Also, any sudden movement or getting in certain positions is likely to aggravate the situation. I'm hoping I've just strained a muscle or something similar that will clear up soon because I sure don't want to make that long trip to Indiana if I'm still like this later this week. I've decided if I'm still having a problem tomorrow I will go to the doctor, if for no other reason than to get pain relief.

Getting old is turning out to be a real pain, literally! Just a couple of years ago, I could have picked that dog up and put him in the car with no problem and now it seems I can barely do anything without feeling the effects for days. As I sit here and listen to myself whining about the changes that getting older is bringing to my life, I'm beginning to think that aging gracefully is not in the cards for me! I'm gaining a whole new respect for those who do!

If you don't mind, please say a little prayer for my mother.

Mother's Day 1969 - Where Were You?

On Mother's Day, May 11, 1969, I know exactly where I was... and for good reason. I gave birth to my second child on that day. My little Dee Dee Doll, came into being shortly after two o'clock that Sunday morning 39 years ago today. Like almost everything in Dee's life, it happened on her terms. I was not due for another week, but on the Friday afternoon before Mother's Day, my water broke. Later that day, I started having very light contractions and my doctor wanted me to come to the hospital, even though I didn't think I was ready. By mid-morning Saturday, I was sent home as labor was not progressing. As soon as I got home, the labor escalated again but I stayed put until I knew it was time. At around seven that evening, my doctor decided to meet me at the emergency room, where he made the command decision to send me home again, even though I knew I was well into labor (and no, he did not deliver my third child). Shortly after ten, we were back on our way to the hospital again and this time I stuck around and Dee Ann finally made her appearance at 2:11 am on Sunday morning. Immediately after, my blood pressure dropped and I was near shock but I survived Dee's entrance into the world and I'm still shocked to be the mother of this magnificent girl.

Here is a glimpse of my very independent, amazingly beautiful, extraordinarily talented and quite intelligent daughter, Dee.

At one week with her cousin Missi who was born 6 weeks before Dee.

Eating her first birthday cake!

One of my favorite school pictures of Dee

Taken for her graduation from East Tennessee State University School of Nursing. Dee graduated Summa Cum Laude. And yes, it is okay to brag on your daughter when she is as smart and beautiful as Dee! (My mother loves this picture of Dee. To her all nurses should still wear hats! They should also know how to make beds with hospital corners!)

One of the first pictures of Dee as a new mother with my first granddaughter, Erin.

This is a fun picture of Dee and all three of her girls ready to cruise! Erin is in the front with Dee, Emily is sitting behind her mom and Sarah Grace completes the picture!

Happy 39th Dee Dee Doll!
I love you!

Oh, and for extra good measure, here are a couple of pictures of my wonderful mother, who I will be heading up to Indiana to see in less than two weeks!

This is a picture of mom and her younger sister, my aunt Leah.
Mom's on the left with her eyes closed!
WOW Mom! You were a hottie...

and still are!

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

Geraniums and Petunias

I'm in no way a horticulturist, but I do know the difference between a geranium and a petunia. From a previous entry I made to this blog you wouldn't think so.

I had taken pictures of some of mom's flowers and couldn't decide which ones to upload and display in the post. Because I am on dial-up here (have I mentioned lately how much I hate using dial-up?), I didn't want to try to upload too many at one time. I ultimately chose to upload the image of the geranium bloom but mis-labeled it in the post as one of her double petunias. Not an earth shattering mistake by any means but I don't like the idea that I've given the impression that I don't know better.

Anyway, here is a shot of the double petunia bloom and the photo of the geranium bloom again. That's all I want to tackle uploading on this Sunday afternoon with this stinking, slooooooooow connection.
















This is a double petunia!
















This is a geranium!

Just so you know that I'm not totally flower dumb!

A Bit Of Nature On Picadilly Road

Here's some of the pictures I've captured while I've been here at mom's. Dad used to love sitting on the swing on the front porch and listening to and watching the birds and squirrels at play. Mom and I have enjoyed relaxing out on the porch and some bird-watching during this visit. Due to her health she has really cut back on what she has to maintain now. I am really hoping that the physical therapy she will start this week will help her build her strength up enough to stay here as long as she wants.















One of mom's double petunias in one of the hanging baskets on her front porch. I was trying out settings on my camera and liked the way this one turned out.















I caught this cardinal through mom's kitchen window as he was feasting on the corn we put out for the squirrels.















I caught him again perched on the neighbor's fence. I was zoomed in as far as I could get and managed to get a reasonably decent shot of him.















I love how the birds eat from the squirrel feeder and the squirrels empty this front yard bird feeder almost daily. There's always plenty spilled out onto the ground below the feeder so the birds still get lots of seed from it one way or the other. They frequent it often when the squirrels run away















This little fellow took off the day I shot these pictures and scampered to his haven in one of the neighbor's trees. I got a trail of pictures of him as he left.
















I wasn't happy with the quality of this photo but I it was as good as I could get trying to zoom in to get this small nuthatch as he was working on the corn. I'm still learning this camera and all the settings.
















This finch feeder hangs from the other large tree mom has in her front yard.















There are finches here almost continuously throughout the day. There is a dove who often hangs out below this feeder and the one the squirrels rob from to pick up what's dropped on the ground. Mom seems to think he must have lost his mate as he is always alone.
















A couple of robins, just bob-bob-bobbin' along.















Mom has several 'windmill' birds in her front flower bed. We both picked up one of these larger bluebird 'windmills' from a craftsman sitting on the side of the road on one of our trips to Tennessee. I still have mine as well.

These are only a few of the birds that visit her feeders. There are bluejays, blackbirds, barn swallows, the single dove we see daily and one small bird that neither of us recognizes, among others. I'm not really good at recognizing any except the more common birds. I haven't been able to get pictures of the rabbits that hang around the area, but I do have more photos that I've taken since I've been here that I will post later. Be on the lookout for hot air balloons, a little fisherman and a covered bridge.

I Don't Have a Clever Title For This Entry

I have another strange week under my belt. This one was filled with more family and friend concerns and finally completely dropping the plans to go to Tennessee with mom, at least for now.

I was still dealing with Margaret's death and missing her funeral when I found out about the imminent death of another long time friend and neighbor (which hasn't happened yet, despite doctors having the family call everyone in almost a week ago) and having mom take three falls in three days - the last one serious enough to go to the emergency room, getting CT scans and MRIs, and now waiting over this weekend to get the MRI results and it all just starts to take a toll on you.

I just can't seem to find the time or the will to come up with a creative blog entry. Heck, who am I kidding, I couldn't even title this entry!

ps... have I whined mentioned lately how awful dial-up is?

Friendship and A Change of Plans

Saturday morning update -- Things have taken a bad turn for the worse with my friend Margaret's condition as she has started bleeding into her lungs. The decision has been made to leave everything in God's hands and to pray for peace and comfort for Margaret. She has fought the most difficult battle with horrendous infection for the past three months trying to get to Baylor Medical Center in Dallas for a second bone marrow transplant. The first transplant was successful, giving her 5 strong years, cancer free before her bone marrow gave out late last fall.

While cancer has not lived in her body for over five years, I will always know that it is the cancer that is responsible for her condition. How I hate that disease.

Please pray for her comfort and for peace for all those who love and care about her.

Thursday afternoon update -- Margaret was weaned off of the ventilator today. As I understand it, they are confident that this relapse was due to changes in medication that affected her heartbeat as well as allowing the infection to re-establish itself. They were able to start her back on the protocol she was on before the relapse and she is responding well at this early stage. As tenacious as this infection seems to be, apparently it is not as strong-willed as Margaret is. They will work to get her out of the CV-ICU and into a regular room before trying to transport her to Baylor by air ambulance, possibly by the middle of next week. Once she is safely at Baylor, I will feel comfortable about proceeding with my own plans. I am very appreciative of the prayers spoken for my friend and grateful to the gracious God that hears us all.

As quickly as the good news came the other day about Margaret, the bad news came just as quickly early yesterday morning that she had relapsed and was back in the CV-ICU of the local hospital where she has been off and on for the past three months. Before they were able to release her Monday for the trip to Baylor Medical in Dallas, her infection returned with a vengeance, attacking her so severely this time that she was placed on a ventilator during the early hours of Tuesday morning. At that time, they were also discussing the possibility of getting her to the Baylor facility by air ambulance but they later decided that was not a viable choice at this time.

When I got the call, I was preparing my list of the things I needed to do before leaving for Indiana and my annual trip with Mom to Tennessee for the Memorial Day weekend. As I got more information about Margaret, it made me re-think my plans.

While I didn't want to miss the trip with mom, as I believe this is likely our last time to make the trek together, neither did I want to leave with things up in the air about Margaret. I considered some alternatives. One being that my sister might want to do this trip with mom, as we had discussed the possibility of her coming to meet us anyway. The other option would be to cancel the plans for the holiday weekend and make the trip later. After discussing the situation with them, we chose the second option, since time was short for my sister to get arrangements made to get up to mom's and then on to Tennessee. I will go up to mom's as soon as I know Margaret is stabilized and we will simply make the trip at a different time. My sister can still come to meet us if she wants to. Sometimes things just work out for the best.

As for Margaret, well today things sound a little better. They're talking about the possibility of weaning her off of the ventilator starting tomorrow. Even after she gets off the ventilator, she will be back where she was at a month ago, so this is a real set back for her. The situation is serious but we have to believe that she can still get to Baylor and have a successful transplant.

Thanks to all who may choose to utter a prayer on Margaret's behalf or have done so from one my previous requests here or here.

(Now playing: I'm A Survivor by Reba McEntire in honor of my friend Margaret who is and will continue to be a survivor.)

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all! We had a beautiful rendition of Ava Maria in church this morning, as I am sure many services did this day. Thanks to Bobby and Keith for their fantastic version of this holy song. Not bad at all for two Methodist tenors!

To my children and grandchildren, I love you all and thank you for the love shared with me today and always.

To my own mother, I love you Mom. There is none better!

In honor of all mothers, here is Celine Dion singing Ava Maria! I tried to get Pavarotti but was unable to locate his version.

Combining Passions

I love the trips to Tennessee that I've made with my parents over the years. Last year was bittersweet as mom and I left dad behind in Indiana as his physical condition did not permit him to make the trip with us. The two of us had a nice time, albeit it different (and quiet) without dad, but the memories I've stored from the trip with mom are quite special to me.

I used my favorite graphic program, Paint Shop Pro, to create a blend of photos from the trip last year, which included a side trip to Burgess Falls State Park, which is just south of Cookeville, TN.


I'm looking forward to the trip once more, as Memorial Day weekend will be here before we know it. I'm sure it will be bittersweet again as only Dad's memory can accompany us from now on. I'm hopeful that my sister will join mom and I on our yearly sojourn to decorate the grave sites of family members, some of whom I never knew, some who were quite dear to me. We also get the chance to visit with family still living in the area where my mother grew up and other family who also come into the area over the long weekend.

What a peaceful place mid-central Tennessee is... quiet and natural, right on the border with her neighbor to the north, Kentucky. I love traveling through the rolling hills nestled among steep stone cliffs; traversing curves on back roads that slow me down to almost a crawl, fearing what may be coming round the bend that I cannot see; feeling and smelling the richness of some of the most fertile soil you will find anywhere on this earth; knowing that I will soon be sharing in the early bounty of nearly fully grown gardens planted by the hard working people we visit each and every year we are there. God surely smiles on this place and the stoic people who inhabit it.

Sometimes, when I am fighting my attitude, when I let the world eat my lunch or just plain forget to be thankful, I think of this place and know that I am looking at things from the wrong direction. It centers me to think of the place my ancestors helped settle and tame.

Yep, I'm ready to return once again.

Did I mention the food? home-cooking to die for! I'm gaining weight just thinking about it!

Birthday Cards and Memories

Every year in August, I look for birthday cards for my granddaughter Sarah Grace and my mother, who happen to share a common birth date. Dad’s birthday follows a few days behind.

This past year, as I looked through the cards for fathers, one caught my eye because of the pair of hands on the front of the card. One was the hand of a child the other the hand of an adult. The words on the card described the distant memories of an adult child remembering holding the hand of a father. I knew that I had to buy this card since so many of my memories about dad involves holding hands. How glad I am that I found that card in particular... it is the last birthday card I will give him. He died September 1, 2006, just a few days after his 86th birthday.

My first memory of Forrest Kauffman as my dad is from the Delaware County Fair the year he and mom were married. I took him by the hand and introduced him to my first grade teacher as my new father, my own father having died from cancer a few years before. I remember countless Friday nights, going to town with him and holding his hand as we crossed the streets of Muncie, generally ending up at the Martha Washington Ice Cream Shop and having a hot fudge sundae.

How many times over the years did I watch as one grandchild or another took dad by the hand to lead him wherever they wanted to go. Dad struggled, like so many men of his generation, with telling people he loved them but he always seemed to respond to the reach of his grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

I watched in May of this past year as he took the hand of my mother and held it close to his side as he sat next to her in the nursing home, not wanting to let go, because he knew we would be leaving him behind. That picture is not only in my photo collection but permanently etched into my memory as well. By taking her hand, by responding to each of us who reached out our hands to him, Dad told us he loved us in his own way.

My very last memory of Dad is holding his hand as he passed on to a far better place. I have no doubt that he will be meeting each of us someday and that he will take us by the hand as we cross over to join him.

We will all be reaching back!