What Do You See?

There's a lot going on in my life right now. I'm in Indiana again, visiting the home where I grew up, wanting to be here in October one more time while the colors are so flashy and the air cool and crisp. Sweater weather!

Of course things never go the way we plan. The colors really haven't started changing yet, at least not to the extent that I wanted to see and experience. When I got here, the yards were still green and people still mowing in late October. Maybe it's global warming slowing down the seasons, delaying the inevitable cold which finally came the other morning along with a nice snowfall... an inch of the pure white stuff but it didn't last long and was gone by mid-day.

Then Mom had a spell with her heart later the same day. We ended up calling an ambulance to take her to the hospital where she spent the night and most of the next day making sure she wasn't having a heart attack or anything severe. Her blood work and EKGs were normal throughout her stay, indicating she was just suffering from angina, probably caused from stress or trying to do too much. Heart pain!

I think most of us know heart pain, I know I do, but not the physical kind Granny was having that day. My heart has hurt for emotional reasons, like missing my granddaughter Anna and others I've loved who have passed away or are gone from my life for different reasons. Most people suffer that kind of heart pain in their lives and I'm sure Granny has too. I know she has. I saw it etched on her face as she lay in the hospital bed, sleeping.

As I looked at those lines on her face, I knew that some might say she's just old and wrinkled, but that's not what I saw. I saw lines that told me how much she suffered when she lost her mother as a little girl, then her father just a year after that. I saw lines that show the worry and care she must have felt as she carried her own children and gave birth, praying she would be there to raise them and see them into adulthood, unlike her parents. I saw lines from the deep pain and grief she had to feel as she watched her young husband, the father of her first three small children as he slowly died of cancer, fearing that they were nearing her fate of being orphaned at an early age. There were more lines from the hurt and worry she felt as she watched her fourth child, her second daughter go through the agony of losing her first two children, twin daughters as a result of a complicated pregnancy and premature birth. Some of those lines came from concern and worry and grief over Anna and the hurt she felt for Anna's mother Jamie, my daughter and her granddaughter as she said a final goodbye to that sweet and irreplaceable 16 year old child. Certainly some of those lines came from caring for her second husband, who depended on her later in life as he dealt with Alzheimer's and other health issues. There are lines that surely came from the pain of losing each of her siblings that grew to adulthood with her, as they passed away one by one until she was left alone, the last remaining member of her generation. There are lines for each of her friends that she's lost along the way, either to death or distance caused by old age. There are lines that must come from pain that neither I, nor others know anything about, pain she's kept to herself, hurts and difficulties in her life known only to her. Some of those lines come from being strong through difficult times and being strong for others... doing the best she could, always working hard, always providing, always too proud to ask for help or assistance.

No, I didn't see old age or just wrinkles when I looked at her face that day in the hospital. I saw love, I saw experience, I saw the woman who shaped my life. I only wish everyone could see what I saw.

Soon to be 90 - Aged To Perfection

 My family held a birthday party for my mother last weekend to celebrate her upcoming 90th birthday. We came from near and far, mostly far as only Mom and one of my brothers, his wife and son still live in the area where we grew up. There are still cousins there but the majority of mom's direct descendants came from Florida, Louisiana, Texas, the Carolinas and Missouri to honor her on this special occasion.

We held the party at my brothers home and had over 100 people join us for hamburgers, hot dogs, just plain fun as the kids climbed trees, rock piles, took pictures, hiked around the farm and pond area and even the adults enjoyed the games that were set up. We took many pictures, including shots of each of the four descending family lines. We had all four of her children, all but one grandchild, all but four great grandchildren and all of her great-greats were there.

Here's mom looking out at us lined up along the lane to my brother's house, singing happy birthday to her as my younger sister drove her in.

 Many of the grandkids greeted her, some in tears, some in humor as she and granddaughter Missi, show their kindred spirit in the photo above! This photo was a favorite on Facebook!

This is a picture of the photo quilt my sister made for mom for this occasion. It is massive and full of memories in the form of pictures from family and friends over the years.

 This is a picture of Mom with each of her four children. From left to right as you look at the photo are my sister Robin, mom seated, me on her left. Brothers Jim and Alan are in the back.

This is a picture of her entire line of descendants, in-laws and a couple of future family members as two of her great-granddaughters are engaged to be married. I'm sorry we couldn't all be there but we were close, closer than I thought we would be in the beginning of the planning process. There are so many more pictures that I could post here, but these will do for now. 

So happy 90th Mom. Your family loves you!

Tired - and hot!

This is the fourth day in a row that we've been under heat advisories and it looks as if it will continue. If you watch the Weather Channel on television, I am part of the big red blob near the bottom of the U.S. map that incorporates a small bit of Texas and most of Louisiana, Mississippi and Arkansas. Of course I had several errands to take care of today and by the time I got home, I was sure I had melted off at least 10 pounds. At least it felt that way but I'm sure I won't see that evidenced on my scale!

I had to go to the bank, where I got in the first lane behind a vehicle that looked as if it was getting ready to pull away... NOT! So I finally decided since the other lanes are open, I would move to the next one. Fine, I'm first in line in this lane yet still I sat there waiting for someone, anyone to help me and relieve the one poor lady handling the entire drive-thru by herself. I had Ginger with me and as much as she loves being in the car, even she was getting crabby... not really, Ginger never gets crabby... jealous and manipulative maybe but she's never crabby. But I'm pretty sure she was as miserable as I was sitting there, even in the shade, for 15 minutes.

From there, I took Ginger on to Petco, where I dropped her off to get groomed. They will give her a full bath, trim everything, including her nails and the hair around her bottom, which is all we ever do with her. She will get brushed as long as the girls there want to brush her and she will smell beautiful and look beautiful and may even have bows in her hair when I pick her up. They do a great job with her. Never mind that she stopped to pee on their sidewalk before she went in. Which is still better than the last time we were there when she dropped a present by the checkout stand.

Having left Ginger off for her spa treatment, I headed on to T`arget, the south's most loved French department store and spent a bit of time looking around as well as spending a good bit of money. How can a person who lives alone spend so much? Huh? I ask ya... how? Geesh! And I've still got places to go!

Lowe's is next on my list and here's where the heat really kicked in because everything I want is in the outside section. I bought some bags of top soil to do some lawn repair and corn for the squirrels and realized that even feeding the squirrels in my backyard is no longer cheap! But the worst of it was having to admit that I could not face taking out that cart full of stuff and lifting those bags of dirt again. Just a year ago I don't think know I wouldn't didn't ask for help with that kind of thing, even if I wanted to. So on top of everything else, now I'm giving into age! I've lost my pride! Of course some might say I found good sense! I almost lost that though when I had to stand out in the heat waiting for the two young men who came to help me. Let's say when it seemed to take both of them to get the stuff to my car, my pride returned a bit. Okay, I know that task didn't really require both of them but both of them did it so I'm reclaiming my pride! Until I looked in the mirror that is and saw how I looked!

Sam's Club is right across the road from Lowe's so that was next and I spent a bit of time meandering through there, not caring about my appearance at all. I mean after all we all know what I was doing there... free food samples... which equates to free lunch! Unfortunately only one stand was open but she had some killer wings with ranch dressing. Drat! now I'll have to stop somewhere and buy lunch! One good thing there was realizing that a good bit of what I just purchased at T`arget was cheaper where I bought it and I had for once done the right thing, at least cost wise. But Woody K. Nibs' food is still cheaper at Sams so that went in the buggy along with the wine that I like which was on sale and some great looking grapes. Of course I hit the wrong lane checking out here as well. Do not ever follow me to a check out line because you will be making a big mistake! I finally moved over to the next aisle and still got out before the poor woman that had been standing in front of me in the first line. Anyway, we're out the door and headed down the parking lot to the gas pumps because this is the cheapest place in all of this area for me to buy gas. As the last drop entered the tank, it hit me that when I first started driving, I could have driven for almost half a year on what it took to fill up today.

And that was the end of my pride once and for all, at least for today... hair is wet, shoulders sagging, back of my shirt is damp, I feel stinky and sweaty and know that I am for real turning into Maxine more and more each day.

Ya know, there's a kind of freedom in acceptance!

So with that, I was off to Sonic and the best onion rings in town!

And I'm home and cool and just waiting to get the call to pick up Ginger so I can start this process all over again. I can hardly wait!

Change Of Plans

We've had a slight change in plans here as far as the annual trip I make to Indiana and then on to Tennessee for Memorial Day. My mother went to the emergency room over the weekend to check out some numbness she was experiencing in the left side of her face. She had a similar experience with this numbness a couple of weeks ago so it would seem that something is going on.

It's possible that she has had a TIA (a light or warning stroke that leaves no permanent brain damage). She was sent home but will have some additional scans and tests run this week and likely an MRI as well. I decided to hold off on driving up to Indiana until the end of the week since we will not be heading to Tennessee as originally planned.

In the meantime, late yesterday evening, I was watching DWTS that I had recorded on the DVR when someone started laying on my doorbell and banging on the front door. I first thought it might be my son but that didn't make sense. There's no reason for him to do all that ringing and banging because he has keys and my extra garage door remote so he could access the house without my assistance. It turned out to be a young woman I know from church who is dog sitting next door and she needed help getting Laddie into her car. She said he was having a seizure or some type of problem and she couldn't manage him. I went over to help and finally got him corralled and near the back door of her car. He refused to get in, wouldn't budge at all so I bent over to lift him into the back seat. I got him about half way in then reached a little lower to get his back half into the car when something gave in my back.

In an instant, I was in agonizing pain. I couldn't do anything else with the dog and for that matter I could barely move at all at that point. Tiffany is a very slight built person and just doesn't have the strength to get a reluctant border collie into the vehicle by herself. None of the other neighbors seemed to be available so I called my son who came over to help. He not only got Laddie into the car but also rode with Tiffany to the emergency clinic to get Laddie checked out. As it turns out, Laddie is suffering from an inner ear nerve problem that is affecting his gait. He walks in circles with his head tilted off to the side. They gave him steroids and sent him home. When my son came over after they returned, I was on the sofa with the heating pad still in agony and very glad I wasn't going to be driving a 12-13 hour trip the next morning (today).

I am simply taking Alleve right now and seem to be okay other than when I sit up straight (so I've really avoided being on the computer most of the day). I can lay down or walk around with very little pain but sitting upright is a real problem. Also, any sudden movement or getting in certain positions is likely to aggravate the situation. I'm hoping I've just strained a muscle or something similar that will clear up soon because I sure don't want to make that long trip to Indiana if I'm still like this later this week. I've decided if I'm still having a problem tomorrow I will go to the doctor, if for no other reason than to get pain relief.

Getting old is turning out to be a real pain, literally! Just a couple of years ago, I could have picked that dog up and put him in the car with no problem and now it seems I can barely do anything without feeling the effects for days. As I sit here and listen to myself whining about the changes that getting older is bringing to my life, I'm beginning to think that aging gracefully is not in the cards for me! I'm gaining a whole new respect for those who do!

If you don't mind, please say a little prayer for my mother.